I am sorry, I can no longer help.

I had spent my childhood in a Southern Baptist Church in the Midwest. It was good upbringing, and I have no ill-memories of that time; it was more social for my family and it didn't impede on anything outside of putting on our Sunday's Bests and on occasion eating casserole at someone else's house that I wasn't accustomed to. In my teens we grew away from the social relationships and moved out of state and spent years out of any kind of Christian fellowship.

In my earlier 20s, however, I was approached by someone with similar interests and we became fast friends. That friend however, would come to invite me to a small group study. His requests for me to come to the group became relentless and I eventually gave in. I quickly was adopted into evangelical Christianity and stayed in it for nearly three decades, making it all the way to the status of "elder" in my last church.

Fast forward to current days, I no longer, consider myself a Christian. I still swirl around the idea of Jesus, and consider a different views of divinity, but wholeheartedly reject any kind of biblical systematic theology. My current trajectory is to pursue the sacred feminine, earth magic and some other transcendent ideas. I am trying to remove the old cruft that has been built-up over the years.

I am still approached by a few family members and a few friends that entered Christianity as I was secretly exiting. The delta between our positions is becoming uncomfortable these days, as people reach out to ask me to pray for them, thoughts on bible passages and questions on theology.

I can still talk the talk, but it's largely spurious at this point. These are close relationships that I don't feel safe to talk to spiritually with any longer. I wonder if it is about me feeling safe, rather, that I don't want to hurt them, as their next thought is that I am lost to eternal torment.

Have you have any similar experiences? How did you take the band-aid off? Rip it off, or a slow painful pull?