Darkness

Have you ever heard of seasonal affective disorder? Most people experience it in the winter months; they are away from the outside and the sunlight. Folks living in extreme latitudes, having long winters.

For me; living in central Florida; I feel it in the summer months. The heat not only is oppressive at times, it is harmful at it's worst. Dangerous heatwaves have becoming more common as well, which doesn't help the feeling of "impending doom" that might threaten my psyche in during these times.

This season was different. I was aware of the phenomenon and took mental steps to avoid my common pitfalls. And for a while it worked. I was able to sense the climate changing and be aware; to adapt.

Work stress started to sink in this last month and I lost sight of the bigger picture. I got ... distracted and stuck in a mental quagmire. I found my personal magic drifting away from me. I was excited to do the #dropm78 Challenge. I ended up slowing down, fall gave way to winter and I was easy on myself. I knew that summer's heat was coming. I new that it would be hard to leave the house, with such high humidity and temperatures.

Working from home doesn't help. It obfuscates my work life and personal life in ways I don't like. There are for sure pros and cons, but for the most part, when I experience the "cons" of working from home, they hit a bit harder on me than the "pros" do.

I slowly began to realize that I need to make a change in my life; that my current job was adding to my seasonal depression in ways that fueled each other. I haven't been able to fill my cup (so to speak). So, a change is needed. The summer months are coming to a close, but it will be a bit before the temperatures leave. In the meantime, I am going to focus my energy on getting new employment that has less stress (or more reward; there's a whole story there to unpack as well).

In the end, I find myself always wanting to feel more magical. I sometimes wonder if I am forcing magical studies into an old evangelical hole, or if I do really see the the world through lenses that give way to old dichotomies. Am I more open, or do I still have work to do? I imagine the answer is always, yes.

I have yet to see a Spirit store pop up, but I am looking out for it for a myriad of reasons!